Letting Go Of Intensive Meditation Retreat

Excerpts of a letter sent to my friends upon completing my Dhamma journey and returning to the “west”.

A cave in the Himalaya

I know that for most of you, even the “spiritual” ones, two years of one’s life dedicated to an “unproductive” thing such as meditation, seems like an awful lot of time. At times, I admit, it indeed felt like eternity. Most of you know me as a communicator, so try and imagine me sitting still, cross legged, for 8-16 hours daily, 3-4 hours a session, from 04:30ish to 21:30sh, seven days a week, countless weeks in a row, not eating after 12:00 noon, hardly talking to anyone for months at a stretch with almost no breaks, except to see a Doctor occasionally. This is easily the hardest and most rewarding ??? I have ever done in this life.

Nevertheless, a year of intensive practice is actually a very short time. It’s practically negligible!!

Many times I wished I had the personality and dedication to maintain a simple monastic lifestyle and remain a meditating yogi for the rest of this existence. A “meditation junky” as “I am” I can easily see myself abiding in eternal bliss forever. I honestly don’t think there is anything better to do in life, except, maybe, not sure, share the process with others. Yet, life seems to have a different path for me. Not that I know what it is, but it seems to do with love and care and service. So, I’m letting go of sitting practice. Not that I have a choice here, but it feels as if this is the right thing to do considering how content I am with where “I am” emotionally, physically and “spiritually”. I’m so content, I’m willingly letting go of intensive practice itself. At the moment I have no will or future plans for intensive practice and at least for the time being, I’m not interested in teachers, teachings, higher spiritual goals, methods or lineages. I’m happy with what is. Happy just to be. And I know this too will change, so please don’t hold it against me the next time I lament, grief or complain about life

And so, I’m leaving the intensive practice mode, hoping to be able to integrate the insights and beautiful mind states into a more complicated lifestyle which includes much more stimulus and countless interactions and relationships. I’m very curios to see how that goes. I don’t know what, where, why, when, how, who or whom. I know only that: with the mysterious way my life has unfolded so far, ANYTHING CAN HAPPEN AT ANY MOMENT (which, of course, is true for anyone, anytime). So, who knows, I may even end up after all in a Himalayan cave for the rest of my life


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