When I was a young child I had a recurring thought that someone is dreaming my life. That my life was someone else’s dream. I vividly remember waiting for that someone to wake up. As I grew up, I enjoyed being on my own, doing nothing behind closed doors or sitting in silence. But growing up in Israel, it was socially unacceptable to want to be in isolation. My parents were worried and so I learned to behave like I fit in. But I always felt inadequate, I always felt that I needed to hide, that it wasn’t OK to fully BE . I never felt that I belong.
In 1995, when I was twenty, I was exposed for the first time to the theory and practices of mind training and meditation. I’ve been meditating and consciously playing with the boundaries of the mind ever since. Simultaneously. I dedicated my life to promoting peace and protecting rights in the context of the Israeli – Palestinian conflict. I pursued a career as a human rights advocate and became an expert on Palestinian Rights. On many levels I was living the life of my dreams. But I knew there an other dimension to life. I didn’t know what it was, I just knew something was missing.
In 2005, a new friend told me that she “just sat six months for Vipassana meditation“. Up until then I never heard of Vipassana. I also had no idea that it was possible for an ordinary person to pursue meditation for such a long time. A year later, in 2006, I began practicing Vipassana. The direct experiences to the nature of life was what I was longing for. From that moment on there was no stopping.
Two years later, in 2008, I left everything behind and set on an inner journey. Initially I had a modest plan, to dedicated 100 days to silent insight meditation. I ended up dedicating two years to intensive meditation practices, of which, I spent a year in an ongoing silent retreat. I was living and practicing in Buddhist Monasteries in Nepal and Burma. I had to figure it out. I simply couldn’t stop.
For two years I was striving relentlessly to realize and experience different layers of consciousness. Luckily, meditation comes naturally for me and I really enjoy meditating. I was also very fortunate to experience some incredible spiritual experiences but that also meant that I kept wanting more. So much so I nearly lost my mind on the way. All and all, it has been the most remarkable couple of years of my life.
Then something changed and it was OK to stop. The greed for practice and the fear of being just dropped off me. I saw through the illusions, saw through the feeling of separateness and was left with contentment. I was content enough to let go of teachers. teachings and practice itself and return to engaging with all aspects of life. Somehow, I found myself in London.
Ironically, it took me 30 years and a journey to the ends of the world to realize what I had always known: That life IS a dream. Finally, that someone, the one who was dreaming my life, HAS woken up (some times).