We all walk around feeling not good enough. Not smart enough. Not beautiful enough. Not talented enough. Not enough. We walk around thinking mostly of that one thing we could have done differently or that thing we should not have said. Remembering the out of place giggle, the compliment which was not reciprocated , fearing we said too much or gave too much or allowed ourselves to be too vulnerable.We’re scared to death to be discovered, thinking that if the “others” knew the secrets we cannot share or the ways we hate ourselves we would be banned from society.
We don’t talk about this pain. It’s not something we share with anyone. Most of us are convinced we’re the only ones who feel this way and most of the time we have no idea why there is so much pain. Still, we walk around feeling inadequate.
Most of us will not dare to talk or treat another with the same level of disrespect or self loathing we treat ourselves. Steven Levine says in one of his talks that if a person sitting next to us in a restaurant would hear our inner dialogue they won’t be able to hold their food in. That’s how bad this is. Occasionally, when the pain is too much for us to contain, we “have a go” on someone else leaving them bruised with judgement, blames and accusations. As if they don’t have enough of it already. Usually our “victims” will be our dear ones – parents, partners, children or close friends. Sometimes, as a collective, we would “execute” this pain on another collective. This, in my opinion, is the real cause of wars and conflicts. This, and the illusion that “I” actually exists and that “my” needs are superior or that they have priority on somebody else’s needs.
Usually, when we take our pain this way on another it dramatically increases our own sufferings as allegedly we’ve created even more evident to support the assumption of us being not good enough.
A Step Towards Kindness
The comforting news is that this is a human condition. It’s a non personal phenomena. A human collective consciousness that most people can relate to if they have some self awareness and a minimum level of self compassion. As for the reasons why we create and sustain that state of mind – I may elaborate upon them some other time.
The good news is that there is a way to act more skilfully to this pain. There is a way to surrender to it without acting upon it. There is a way to let it be without believing it and without repressing it. There is a way to wake up. All of you in this project are already on the path of waking up.
Today, however, I’d like to focus on taking one small step towards kindness.
Recollecting our generosity
Let’s try and break our tendencies today. Let’s, just for today, be enough. Let’s make a special effort today to appreciate our goodness, our kindness, our wisdom and our love.
Let’s intentionally remember at least one episode in our lives that we were kind and generous and loving. At least one episode when we were compassionate enough or wise enough. When we listened to another from our heart with our full attention. When we didn’t judge. When we rejoiced in someone else’s happiness. When we gave a good advice, protected someone, offered our time and friendship, selflessly nursed another or simply loved with all our being. Each of us has acted with kindness, generosity, love and wisdom countless times. So let’s remember them today. At least one of them.
And let’s make it OK, just for today, to make mistakes. To be at fault. To not be perfect without the fears, constant accusations and blames that tag along.
It’s hard to think of ourselves as “good”. I know it is. For some of us it’s the hardest thing we’ll ever do. We are so conditioned otherwise. We are so used to be told otherwise.
If your mind in it’s cruelty says it’s self indulgent to appreciate your own kindness just see this merciless mind, this unkind, unhealed mind – in so much pain, so much in grief. Be patient. Be compassionate. This pain has been with you from birth. At least. Allow it some space. See it. But don’t give in to it. Not today. Be grateful that you have enough awareness and enough wisdom to do so.
Let’s recollect our own kindness today. Let’s appreciate ourselves today. Let’s love ourselves today.
I’d like to wish my Jewish friends and family a happy New Year. May the doors of your heart will remain open no matter what. May you live with a sense of awe and appreciation to every single day. May you live with awareness. May you always be happy and may you all attain full liberation before this year ends.