Yesterday I went salsa dancing. Lately I’ve regained my salsa skill. I probably dance quite well as I find myself dancing mainly with salsa instructors….. they make me look much better than I really am
So anyways I met this beautiful dancer last night. Lets call him E. He is from Singapore and he has a beautiful sweet energy. We were dancing for a long while. We have dance chemistry. He is a salsa teacher, a much better dancer than I am and a man so I let him lead on the dance floor, surrendered to his guidance and followed him. Then, while we were dancing it hit me that this is exactly what I want from life these days.
I actually don’t want to control. I want someone or something to set the tone, choose a path, lead, guide, direct. And do it gently, sensitively while allowing me enough space for movement and creativity and beauty. I want this chemistry I found on the dance floor to prevail in other aspects of my life. And by realizing that, I became even softer, more allowing, more trusting. I was being surrendered more. E sensed it and took bolder movements and I ended up being lifted up the air and dipped in all kinds of angles. We looked good together and it was pure fun.
I woke up this morning and I realized that actually it was very much like practice, like life. The more you let go the more beautiful life unfolds. I am willing to surrender to life even more.
And there is yet another guy I met at Salsa, A. We REALLY have dance chemistry. Besides passion we have a very playful attitude to dance and to each other. It is always a mere joy dancing with him. I love the way he moves and lead the dance. I feel very safe with him and I really enjoy his presence. We tried to date a couple of months ago. Once. The date was not pleasant. I found him to be over powering and boring and besides the love of salsa and Cuban music we have almost nothing in common. He, on the other hand, decided he fell in love with me. I was and still am very clear about my non-intentions but he is very persistence. I see him at the Salsa club almost every time I go and we love dancing together. Yesterday he was there as well. We danced. He kept declaring that he is in love with me. I kept pushing him away, protecting our boundaries.
Then, at one point he said “I’m in love with you. I would die for you”. He repeated the “die for you” part twice. I froze. Well, it has been a while since a man declared he would die for me. But more than that, I suddenly knew that he had already died for me once. I told him that. But as I said, we don’t really talk the same language. So he reminded me that on the way to our first and last date he made a rather not so small accident with his big vicious bike and hurt his knee quite badly but instead of going to the O.R. and cancel he made it to our date.
I still meant it otherwise. I really know that he actually died to save my life once. I still don’t think we are a good fit in this life. I wish we were.
When I got home there was an email from V waiting for me with a link to a scholarship for young social entrepreneurs. Very thoughtful and kind of him – linking me to something I will benefit from. So out of all the drama and passion of last night my only chosen action was to send V an email saying “I miss you” which is something we both refrained from doing over the past month. Immediately I felt like a bagger. But I noticed that and let it go
But actually, I also gave my phone number to the beautiful dancer from last night.