He left. I’m sad. I surrender to his decision to walk out of my life. I accept it and let it go. I promised him I will not do anything to try and change his mind. This probably is the compassionate thing to do for both of us. But I still wait for him to call or write. I still wait for him to initiate interaction. There is hope and expectations for a future. Hope he will change his mind. I know that too will pass.
Still, how long will I be waiting? Another week? A month? Maybe more? Will I notice when I stop waiting for him to communicate?
And how come every time I ask those questions of how long will it take me to let go of hope I feel so wise. Thinking I really know how to ask the real questions. Not remembering I’ve asked the same profound questions a hour ago and that I felt unbelievably wise an hour ago as well.
Just or reminder of how unreliable a perception is. How unreliable a memory is. And how hard it is to know what is real and what is not.